“Charlie Bartlett” & “Be Kind, Rewind” – They Suck!

Are we down to one shaker cinema? In that case let me save time and give you two-for-one: a high school afternoon special and a video store fiasco.

In “Charlie Bartlett” (2007) we are supposed to find this Richy-Rich lovable ala Ferris Bueller. However, outside of the irony of Robert Downey Jr. as a principal trying to warn kids off drugs, this film is ridiculous and flat. Anton Yelchin as the title character tries hard and with his wealth and crazy mom alludes to “Harold & Maude” right down to a song plucked from that film that no teenager on earth would be singing. Besides borrowing from better coming of age films, the heavy handed moralizing on teen drug use, authority and personal identity are just too awkward and stagey. While I give it credit for trying to be a step up from the gross-out films of the teen comedy genre, this one is just the wrong prescription. “Superbad”, “Election” and the oldie “Fast Times at Ridgemont High” show us how serious issues can be covered in a high school setting without sacrificing the laughs.

Speaking of high school, “Be Kind, Rewind” (2008) is set in Passaic, NJ which is next to my hometown hood of Clifton. However, that city will not be sending the filmmakers a “thank you” note anytime soon since the city is played up as being a major slum which is a slight exaggeration. Writer-director Michael Gondry who gave us the very good “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind “and the very bad “The Science of Sleep” puts another in the bad column. Mos Def is just not funny and Jack Black is occasionally funny but not allowed to shine. The story of a store that has all its' VHS tapes erased. (Yes Passaic has also just heard of DVDs) only to have our two heroes replace them with shorter parodies of their own making should be hilarious. Yet only some of the parodies are even funny, and they only come after an overlong setup which involves evil city officials and Fats Waller. (Don’t ask!) This film actually looks like it was slapped together by the two idiots themselves and goes from bad to almost unwatchable. How did Danny Glover, Mia Farrow and Sigourney Weaver get pulled into this mess? Be kind to yourself and miss this and re-rent “Clerks”.

09.02.08 “Ginger Snaps” (2000): And I Snap Back

Years ago, when first auditioning for one of my agents, we had an interesting discussion about monologues. “Never do a monologue about a dead dog,” she said, referring to the monologue performed by the actor who had auditioned before me, leaving her disgusted and completely turned off.

Within the first two minutes of “Ginger Snaps,” we encounter a mother and toddler discovering the bloody, dismembered body of their dog. To alleviate any doubts as to what you are seeing, the camera then moves slowly over the bloody, furry pieces (inner and outer) of what remains of the dog.

Now I know what my agent meant. Fictional films that start out with bloody murdered dogs belong in the same amateur trash pile as monologues about dead dogs. Think I’m just being sentimental? Read the screenwriting book, “Save the Cat,” by Blake Snyder. Think I’m being overly critical of an obvious werewolf horror flick? Well, I kind of feel that story trumps all, subtlety is gold, and no one has yet been able to surpass the dark, heart-breaking beauty of John Landis’ 1981 classic, “An American Werewolf in London.”

"August" - Not a hot one

Since Jessi and I won’t always be looking at the same discs, I will occasionally try to match her- domino style, in shaker ratings. My two shaker selection would be the indie tale “August” set in the long ago time of the oft mentioned dotcom bubble burst of 2001. This film has some things going for it, including a moody electronic score that seems almost a funeral dirge. Not only a comment on the death of the optimism of the startups, but also an anticipation of the horror of September 11th which would occur the following month. It is filmed in a casual laidback style with some good cinematography. It also has a predictable plot with cliched characters.

Josh Hartnett does his best as Tom Sterling (wow- like currency), the hotshot CEO of a down and going dotcom he has started with his techie brother. They have a distant relationship that you think will lead somewhere- it doesn’t and the same goes for an ex-girlfriend architect who is so ‘brick and mortar’. His dad (Rip Torn) doesn’t respect him and quietly mocks how his suspiciously idle staff just sit around eating Oreos. The techie brother finally displays an emotion outside of that of the doting family guy, by berating Tom for sending their dad a b-list Buddha as punishment. (Like Bill Murray sending folks towels in “Scrooged”) Meanwhile the TV blasts heavy-handed reminders of the time frame- look everyone- Aaliyah just crashed! Ben Affleck is in rehab! Hartnett’s character is just an asshole and you don’t really buy all that gibberish tech jargon they make him spout about his beloved company “Landshark”. (No Chevy Chase does not reprise his SNL role)

“What do you do?” Torn pleas for the audience. Yet the purpose of the company is as much as an enigma as the soul of the characters here. David Bowie appears as an old school suit who wants to take over the firm. When you think Wall Street blue-blood- Bowie is not who comes to mind but he is welcome just because we need someone to call the main character out. If you see two documentaries of this period: “E-dreams” and “Startup.com” you’ll see more compelling tales of the dotcom crash. This one is all atmosphere and set up, but it just doesn’t click.

"Jumper" (2008): Jumping through Millions

Imagine what you would do with 75 million dollars. Assuming you’re not Bill Gates, this would be a staggering amount of money. Travel the world? Make generous donations? The choices would be endless.

So when films are made with large budgets, you have to ask: was it worth it? Did that amount of money go towards the creation of something life-changing? Was it pleasurable escapism? Thought-provoking? In the case of “Jumper,” the answer would be a resounding no, no, no.

I hadn’t planned on being too hard on this flimsy story until I heard the director interviewed on the DVD extras. He said that, in most cases, films are funded for either big special effects (all shot in one location) or for numerous locations, but never both. He wanted to do a budget-doubling BOTH---huge special effects in many locations (I counted seven: New York, Rome, Tokyo, Baja, Prague, Ann Arbor, Toronto). Exorbitant? Yes. Worthwhile? No.

The story, or what should be the backbone on which every great film stands, is simplistic and underdeveloped. Hayden Christensen does his best to infuse a translucent and roughly drawn character with life. Rachel Bilson seems painfully self-aware, striking poses more suited to fashion photography.

Being a sci-fi fan, I had high hopes for this film, which opens with a shy teen hero who suddenly discovers his own ability to “jump” or teleport himself at will. In that, we have the makings of rich fantasy (the novel which inspired the film, “Jumper,” by Steven Gould, was published in 1992). Instead, the film spends too much time celebrating it’s own jumping technology, and the story becomes so shallow that the jumps become meaningless. (Hurry and jump away from Samuel L. Jackson's hot-on-his-tail executioner. For some unknown reason, Samuel L. Jackson sports a distracting and purposeless
head of bleached white hair).

(Jumping...old school ----->)

Yes, kudos go to the creative team behind the “jumping” effect. Rather than a Star Trek-like rippling camera dissolve, these “jumps” have gravity and emotional intensity behind them, made more real and believable by how they seem to follow the laws of the universe (ie. leaving the trail of a time/space “scar” behind, for several seconds after a jump, and the jump’s physical, often destructive, impact on the environment in which it takes place). If enough attention had been placed on casting and story as had been on special effects, this could have been something really good.

In an ideal world, I’d have given this project to Jon Favreau, who created a thing of depth and beauty with "Iron Man."

"Surfwise" (2007): An Experiment in Family Living

Once again, I agree with Tim's brilliant observations on this film. I saw it recently and can’t get it out of my head. More accurately, I can’t quite get my head around IT. Then I remembered the Ancestral Pueblo people of Bandelier National Monument.

If you’ve never been, Bandelier National Monument is home to the cliff dwellings and city foundation remnants of this 10,000 year old civilization. In walking the trails, you can see the foundations of housing “developments” created by this industrious people. What struck me, at the time, was the small size of the living areas. Sharing would be an understatement in these times, when communities had to work closely together in order to survive.

10,000 years later, Dorian (“Doc”) Paskowitz has lived his life as a fascinating social experiment, not unlike the Ancestral Pueblo people. A brilliant doctor with a passion and talent for surfing, he lived with his wife and nine children (yes, nine) in a small (yes, small) RV and traveled from place to place around the southern US. While the Ancestral Pueblo people searched for water to drink, the Paskowitz family searched for water on which to surf.

Much like the ancient Ancestral Pueblo people, Doc Paskowtiz created an almost absurdly close (by today’s standards) family that did most everything together. As Westerners, it’s hard to imagine growing up without a television, a school, or any space to call your own. And how would you react to living in such tight quarters that you were in the same room as your parents while they had sex? These are the cringe-worthy moments in “Surfwise” when you get a knot of sorrow for the Paskowitz kids. But then again, though their formative years were not typical according to Western society standards, you can appreciate how natural and healthy they were. Yet, the children tell some stories of near abuse at the hands of their dictator-type father. More cringing.

One of the strongest messages to come from watching the story of Doc Paskowitz is his relentless commitment to health. An exercise fanatic who abhorred sugar, he dictated the absolute necessity of physical exercise, the power of whole grains, fruits, vegetables, and “a little meat,” and the natural joy of sexual expression. It’s hard not to hear his words and feel anything other than admiration (though you can eliminate the meat, in my case).

Today, the children are all successful adults. I was amazed to discover that two of the Paskowitz boys were members of one of my very favorite (though short-lived) 90s bands, The Flys.

This documentary is so well done, it’s hard to have an opinion about anything other than it’s subject matter. From a purely technical, filmmaking perspective, it certainly rates a whole lotta salt. On another level, if this film doesn’t get you off your butt and into an exercise routine, nothing will.

"Surfwise" - When Life really is a Beach

What the hell do you know about surfing?

You're from god damned New Jersey. - Lieutenant Kilgore, Apocalypse Now

A crazed megalomaniac who curses himself for not stopping an execution which occurred when he was at the “height of my powers”; A man who wanted to breed his own master race using his strong will and strict diet and discipline along with an appointed lieutenant who acted as enforcer; A man who used these young warriors to forge a separate society, outside the trappings of the opulent capitalist one which he despised. Adolph Hitler? No- a devout yet potty-mouthed Jewish doctor turned surfer named Dorian "Doc" Paskowitz.

Leaving all the trappings of an ordinary life, ‘Doc’ and his wife raise nine children in a 24 foot camper, instead of sending them to school –they take them on series of surf adventures cross-country. How could a documentary about such a bizarre Jewish doctor who becomes surf Nazi mean anything to anyone? Because unlike so many loud meaningless films coming out these days, “Surfwise” actually questions the meaning of life and the direction of our society but in a way that is not preachy. Director Doug Pray carefully paddles us through various moods and emotions. As the children age and try to actually enter society we feel their frustrations. (With one strange scene featuring a son emotionally lip synching his own song about it) The end result is entertaining, smartly filmed and edited with a great soundtrack to boot. Life’s a wave, but how many swim out and try to grab it? Is that one surf metaphor too many dudes?

Five-Shaker Cinema - A Best of List

As Jessi and I use this blog as a fun way to share our takes on films, it’s easy to see that we are not alone. Literally hundreds of reviewers screen mountains of films, with thousands of folks chiming in through message boards, blogs, and dedicated web sights along with media outlets big and small. It’s the definitive ‘too much information’ overload of our times. We just want to have fun like our old friends Siskel & Ebert did way back when.

So as we randomly sample the giant pie of current DVDs’ available I thought I’d give up some past opinions. These 118 films IMHO rate 5 salt shakers- our highest rating. I pulled these from the ratings I have already online at Netflix. Of course not a definitive list but just great films that I personally could watch over many times and enjoy. If you’re a Netflix member each film hotlinks back to their site to make it easy to add these to your queue. Film geeks love their lists- so here are some great films in reverse order of their release. If you haven’t seen some of these, I think you’ll enjoy them. If not we can get in big arguments- that’s what we’re here for right? I know I left so many out- I’m just trying people…


No Country for Old Men (2007)
Children of Men (2006)
Hotel Rwanda (2005)
Kinamand (2005)
The Squid and the Whale (2005)
Fahrenheit 9/11 (2004)
Riding Giants (2004)
Sideways (2004)
Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (2003)
13 Conversations About One Thing (2002)
28 Days Later (2002)
About Schmidt (2002)
Bloody Sunday (2002)
Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (2002)
Rabbit-Proof Fence (2002)
Ghost World (2001)
In the Bedroom (2001)
Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring (2001)
Wallace & Gromit: Three Amazing Adventures (2001)
The Endurance (2000)
You Can Count on Me (2000)
Being John Malkovich (1999)
The Blair Witch Project (1999)
Fight Club (1999)
The Matrix (1999)
October Sky (1999)
The Taste of Others (1999)
The Big Lebowski (1998)
Run Lola Run (1998)
Beautiful Girls (1996)
Dead Man Walking (1995)
Hoop Dreams (1994)
The Shawshank Redemption (1994)
Faraway, So Close! (1993)
Groundhog Day (1993)
Slacker (1991)
GoodFellas (1990)
Miller's Crossing (1990)
Drugstore Cowboy (1989)
Cinema Paradiso: Director's Cut (1988)
Wall Street (1987)
Hannah and Her Sisters (1986)
Platoon (1986)
Brazil (1985)
Lost in America (1985)
Amadeus (1984)
This Is Spinal Tap (1984)
The Big Chill (1983)
A Christmas Story (1983)
Das Boot (1981)
Airplane! (1980)
Caddyshack (1980)
The Changeling (1980)
Ordinary People (1980)
Raging Bull (1980)
Apocalypse Now (1979)
Being There (1979)
Mad Max (1979)
Halloween (1978)
National Lampoon's Animal House (1978)
Star Wars: Episode IV: A New Hope (1977)
All the President's Men (1976)
Harlan County, U.S.A. (1976)
Network (1976)
The Omen (1976)
Nashville (1975)
Amarcord (1974)
The Godfather, Part II (1974)
The Taking of Pelham One Two Three (1974)
Scenes from a Marriage (Theatrical) (1974)
American Graffiti (1973)
Don't Look Now (1973)
Frenzy (1972)
The Godfather (1972)
A Clockwork Orange (1971)
Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory (1971)
Night of the Living Dead (1968)
The Graduate (1967)
You Only Live Twice (1967)
Dr. Seuss' How the Grinch Stole Christmas (1966)
The Battle of Algiers (1965)
Dr. Strangelove (1964)
Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer (1964)
Seven Days in May (1964)
8 1/2 (1963)
The Manchurian Candidate (1962)
La Dolce Vita (1960)
Psycho (1960)
North by Northwest (1959)
Some Like It Hot (1959)
Wild Strawberries (1957)
Paths of Glory (1957)
Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1956)
The Searchers (1956)
Rear Window (1954)
Ugetsu (1953)
A Christmas Carol (1951)
Strangers on a Train (1951)
All About Eve (1950)
The Bicycle Thief (1948)
It's a Wonderful Life (1946)
Notorious (1946)
Casablanca (1942)
Citizen Kane (1941)
The Grapes of Wrath (1940)
Gone with the Wind (1939)
Mr. Smith Goes to Washington (1939)
The Wizard of Oz (1939)
The Rules of the Game (1939)
The Petrified Forest (1936)
King Kong (1933)
City Lights (1931)
Dracula (1931)
Man with the Movie Camera (1929)
The General (Silent) (1927)
Battleship Potemkin (1925)
The Gold Rush (1925)
Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde (1920)