Tim’s summer reruns: Reviews of non-new releases

I have seen a few new releases but nothing spectacular of late so I decided to go back to my Netflix review vault and give you a bakers’ dozen of old release reviews never put on this blog. It’s a nice cross-section of DVDs of the past couple of years in no particular order. Seattle is in the midst of a heat wave so my mind is more fried than usual but being a surviving catholic I felt guilty about not posting. :) Stay cool people!

Lady in the Water (2006) One salt Shaker.
Half-baked folklore, cartoon creatures and a pale redhead astound an apartment complex. Boredom and malarkey shattered by the cliché loud soundtrack jump-scares. Good actors wasted by a crazed egomaniacal filmmaker- you know his name- it's plastered over the credits like spam. See “Night of the Hunter” instead.

28 Weeks Later (2007) Three salt shakers.
What this film lacks in originality, entertainment and character development, it more than compensates for in severe, quick edits with shaky cam. Scenes that may have been horrifying are jazzed up as this method is taken to its zenith. Oh and when someone has been exposed to the deadly virus and is a sole survivor worthy of study- I'm pretty sure she'd be monitored and guarded. And when "dad' keeps appearing all over the map, it's more like a comedy than a horror flick. A sad follow-up to such a classic original, kind of like “Halloween II” was.

All About My Mother (1999) Two salt shakers.
I had found it hard to believe that a teen-age boy is so transfixed by an actress in "Streetcar" that he frantically dashes after her cab in the rain. Then the nun getting AIDs after being impregnated by a transvestite? Another pal, a transsexual and the main character then switch roles as the assistants to the lesbian actresses. Suddenly there's an "All about Eve" twist as the all female cast again talk about their lives and then ….my gaydar just exploded. Pedro A, your films are just too ridiculous to merit the heaping praise.

Disturbia (2007) Three salt shakers.
If you're looking out your window at your neighbors and your friggin lights are on- they can see you. How basic is that? What would be a cool update of "Rear Window" loses steam from a strong setup and becomes yet another bland, predictable wanna-be thriller. The lead actor, Shia LaBeouf, does his best though which spring boarded him to fame.

The Host (2006) Three salt shakers.
Would be slimy monster fun if it didn't get weighed down in they typical Asian cinema broad comedy along with heavy-handed social statement. Whenever the slime monster is off-screen it stalls. Then a non-crowd-pleasing death spoils the end.

I Think I Love My Wife (2007) Four salt shakers.
Chris Rock tones down the smartass to make a nice stretch as a bored, middle-aged, sexual frustrated buppie. Better than expected and a cool step as a mature filmmaker/performer.

Bobby (2006) Three salt shakers.
This is a very flawed film! Ashton Kutcher as a hippy and Demi Moore as a drunken lounge singer both overact badly written parts. Harry Belafonte and Anthony Hopkins play chess. All of the performances seem stereotyped and unreal. However it's obvious throughout and especially toward the end that Estevez is passionately relating the death of the optimism and hope that succumbed after this "3rd" assassination and grew darker as Vietnam dragged on. To hear the speeches and to imagine 'what if' is depressing but a message that is important. The social value of this tribute outweighs it's "Love Boat"-like feel.

300 (2006) Four salt shakers.
Crazy, silly, and totally comic book- this film captures the pulp, style and amazing energy of the comic and takes it up a notch. As a pencil-pushing office rat - I felt my lost savage awakened in amazing battle scenes of stop action bloodletting! This is pure escapism and catharsis for anyone who has felt isolated while fighting a losing battle. Amazing visuals, stunts and sound make this an instant classic.

Catch a Fire (2006) Three salt shakers.
Like "Blood Diamond" this should have been a great film but somehow comes across as formula. I think Tim Robbins didn't blend into his heavy role enough and the long-winded opening of domestic tranquility seemed too forced. When the dark torture of apartheid finally occurs, the main character's transformation is overnight - like a "Rocky” training montage. (Even though this is a true story) Strong story- so why does it never catch fire?

District B13 (2004) Three salt shakers.
The incredible acrobatic foot chases, Parkour, elevates this- like Matrix stunts without the CGI. But the clichés are too deep and the plot too dumb- like anime characters rehashing 'Escape from New York'.

Breach (2007) Three salt shakers.
Depicting the FBI as a drab bureaucracy filled with office politics seems dead-on and Chris Cooper plays the hypocrisy of his role well. We needed more of him and less of Ryan Philippe.

Old Joy (2006) One salt shaker.
A condescending dullard and an unkempt hippy go camping and have about 15 minutes of dialogue- that leaves an hour or so of random scenery shots including multiple minutes of footage shot from a moving car at the passing scenery. ‘Chuck & Buck’ meets your stoned pals' bad camping home videos. No joy in this mumblecore. See “Mutual Appreciation” instead.

Crank (2006) One salt shaker.
Everything that's bad about filmmaking today: the clichés, the desperate attempt to be hip, the over-stylized direction...see “Run, Lola Run” or even ‘Speed.’ Yes the sequel is out this year, so yet another in a trend of sequels to bad films.

Happy, Sad, Spooky, Bland and Overdone- These ain’t no dwarfs

So many interesting flicks out this month! First in “Happy-Go-Lucky!” director Mike Leigh leaves behind the gritty realism that he obviously enjoys for a fresh look at life. Initially I was annoyed by the painfully chipper Poppy (Oscar nom Sally Hawkins), however over the course of this film you see her cheery optimism as a shield and a tactic. She will use her calculated optimism in an attempt to bring people out: a pretentious bookstore clerk, a troubled child who bullies, a homeless man. She directly challenges people’s anger and depression as a sport but also with much empathy. Poppy will enjoy her life regardless of the many reasons not to. In other films she would be a minor character, a friend in a group. By making her the hero Mike Leigh is giving us a life lesson in these trying times. The core of this film is the relationship between Poppy and her angry, bigoted driving instructor (a brilliant, intense Eddie Marsan). Seeing these two interact is so organic and interesting that it’s reminiscent of early Martin Scorsese. This is a great little film, a new “Amelie” for our times.


On the opposite side of the spectrum is a thoroughly depressing “Synecdoche, New York” This would have made a great short film, maybe 20 minutes or so. However it weighs in at over two hours and that’s just too much time to spend in a surreal dream world- thanks! Charlie Kaufman who wrote the great “Being John Malkovich” and “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind” makes his directorial debut and like his main character here, he’s too locked in his own creation. After a promising start where we see the breakup of Caden Cotard’s (Phillip Seymour Hoffman) marriage, the film gets progressively absurd. In this dream world, he spends 20 years making a play about his life that continues to intersect with his real life (or does it?) If nothing is real and the characters playing characters playing characters are neither really living nor really acting; why does anything matter? In “Brazil” Terry Gilliam gave us a truly brilliant parallel universe that had fun with its own dark view. Kaufman’s film is just confusing and morose. Stay out of Synecdoche, it’s a dark place.


I thought “Let the Right One In” was original and creepy. However, it seems a lot of people really liked this far more than I did. The setting of a cold, dark, depressing Swedish town is spot on. The little girl vampire concept is truly original. So although I am a bit sick of the vampire flick this still seemed much more interesting than the over-hyped “Twilight”. I think I may be a little jaded though since I am myself, a vampire.


The film “The Rocker” has Rainn Wilson breaking out of his Office cube to play an ex-hair band drummer who gets a second chance. The veteran, dream team supporting cast and the fun newcomers rally around our hero, but it’s too bad this film is way too predictable and not as funny as it should be. If it wasn’t so tame and eager to please this may have been something. As it stands, it’s as if “Spinal Tap” met a Lifetime TV movie and that doesn’t rock mate.

Finally we arrive back in Seattle. I was a lad working in a luxury hotel and condo-sitting during the WTO conference. So I had to work and live in the streets during the infamous 1999 riots. I was a spectator, but I felt correctly that it was a foreboding sign of things to come. I saw quirky, passionate and fun loving protestors as well as the masked and easily identifiable teenage ‘anarchists’ who were a very small minority. Then I watched the jack-booted riot police showing that they obviously didn’t care to tell the difference. It was bizarre to see rush hour commuters having to deal with a rowdy police force who were gassing downtown streets and pepper-spraying 16 year old girls. In short it was outrageous. Then you would switch on the TV and see the clueless reporting that repeatedly showed the smashing of a Starbucks window, and characterized all the protestors as vandals while totally ignoring the police brutality. Fractionized, angry protestors, biased media, corporate control issues, and strong arm police tactics- it was like a crash course in political awareness.


It is this defining incident that is the basis for Stuart Townsend’s “Battle in Seattle” a film that uses the “Crash” model of multiple storylines. The characters here feel more like designated representatives: the angry cop, the pregnant wife, the reporter who (laughably) grows a conscience, the lovebird protestors plus Andre 3000, the guy who sings the “Hey Ya” song. Like 2006s’ “Bobby” this film has its’ heart in the right place but just lays it on too thick. Although the recreations are nicely edited into the actual footage, the story is way too contrived and the actors struggle vainly in their one dimensional roles. A documentary on these events would be more impactful than this well-meaning but hollow film. The one thing that felt dead on was the portrayal of the mayor and police chief who are truly confused and dumbfounded by the events that they themselves were responsible for. It was a small justice to see them both lose their jobs.