“Why did I rent this?” These words echo across America every night. If you have to hit fast forward, it’s not a good sign. Here are 20 from this year that I wish I skipped.
1. Be Kind Rewind (2008) – Previously reviewed on this blog. Not so kind...
2. Daniel Tosh: Completely Serious - Comedians shouldn’t be assholes. Seriously.
3. The Game Plan- “The Rock” tries to emulate family-friendly Schwarzeneggers' career path, mugging embarrassingly with a child actor who should have hit him with a folding chair.
4. Get Smart (2008) - Previously reviewed on this blog. Back to your office Steve!
1. Be Kind Rewind (2008) – Previously reviewed on this blog. Not so kind...
2. Daniel Tosh: Completely Serious - Comedians shouldn’t be assholes. Seriously.
3. The Game Plan- “The Rock” tries to emulate family-friendly Schwarzeneggers' career path, mugging embarrassingly with a child actor who should have hit him with a folding chair.
4. Get Smart (2008) - Previously reviewed on this blog. Back to your office Steve!
5. Grindhouse: Planet Terror – Rodiguez and Tarantino think that making deliberately bad, violent films is cool. It’s not and put out that doobie!
6. The Happening (2008)- M. Night Shyamalan has Marky Mark and friends trying to outrun the suicide-inducing wind. Say hi to your mother for me.
7. Heckler – Jamie Kennedy fakes us out; Instead of talking about heckling he quickly equates them with critics and then cries that they didn’t like his shitty films.
8. I'm Not There - Bob Dylan is played by a whole bunch of different actors in an attempt to capture his essence. My channels - they are a changing.
9. Journey to the Center of the Earth (2008) – Looky it's 3-D! Brendan Fraser is in danger of becoming the next Nicholas Cage making bad big budget junk for a paycheck.
10. Lust, Caution –The Asian cinema cliché that really slow-moving films are more meaningful. I needed more lust less caution.
11. Married Life – Supposedly a murder-mystery that has neither.
12. Momma's Man (2008) – Like the “Step Brothers” but trying to take itself seriously. Grow up!
13. Ocean's Thirteen- The last two of this franchise milk the originality of the first with lame-ass pretty boy smugness.
14. Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End – Sequel-itis again hits as big money trumps the fun with a ridiculously confusing plot and over-the-top nonsense action.
15. Redacted – Brian DePalma goes ‘Clockwork Orange’ on us and it’s an experiment in bad. War is horrific and so is this film.
16. Slacker Uprising – Michael Moore shows us how his “Slacker Nation” failed to get Kerry elected in 04. Is this relevant?
17. Sleuth – A two-man show with Michael Caine and Jude Law trading wits while boring us senseless.
18. Snow Angels - David Green makes good actors do bad things. Depressing filmmaking is not serious filmmaking.
19. Vantage Point – The"aren't we clever?" point of view can't save this conceited thriller that twists and turns into mediocrity.
20. Zoo – Bestiality attempted to be explained artistically. Yuck!
Let's have a happy new year and hope for more multi-shaker films in 09!
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2 comments:
I think you put "Lust, Caution" in the wrong category Tim. I haven't seen it, but you know, just sayin'.
How dare you invoke the name "Clockwork Orange" in reference to a bad film!
THIS IS EGREGIOUS!
Alas, Tim and I vehemently disagree on "Be Kind, Rewind." I loved it. Hilariously outrageous electrical charges with lovable performances by Jack Black (of course) and Mos Def (extra hugs for his struggling-to-keep-it-together straight man).
Be kind, rent this.
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